Who are you, really?

THIS PAGE CONTAINS SPOILERS ABOUT MY LIFE IN THE REAL.  IF YOU HAVE ONLY MET ME IN SECONDLIFE AND WANT TO KEEP THE FANTASY ALIVE, STOP READING NOW.IF YOU’RE NOSY, LIKE HAVING YOUR ILLUSIONS DISPELLED OR FANTASIES DESTROYED, OR JUST WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER ME, READ ON.

 

 

 

 

 

Still here?  Okay, but remember, I warned you…

 

Point the first: I am mentally ill.  I struggle with Bipolar, PTSD, DID, and anxiety issues.  I am currently receiving treatment and am med compliant and in therapy.  Bad shit started happening to me a long time ago, and it shaped who I am.  I am mostly stable, most of the time, but I have good days and bad days, and I’m far from perfect.

 

Point the second: I am not in good physical condition, either.  I have, in the last six months, been diagnosed with an unspecified auto-immune disorder (still trying to find out which one), fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis in my knees, hips, shoulders, and fingers, and stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease.  I’ve had pneumonia 3 times in the last six months. My immune system is like a toddler with a handgun- ineffective, likely to overreact to a perceived threat, and just as likely to take out a friendly target as a hostile one.  When I go out in public, I have to wear a face mask to protect me from germs.  People can’t touch me without washing their hands thoroughly.  I’m supposed to avoid crowds, public restrooms, and sick people (a nifty trick when you have at least one doctor’s visit a week).  I’m transitioning to a mostly vegetarian diet, and have had to give up caffeine, stop taking ibuprofen, replace several prescriptions with alternatives that are less harmful to my kidneys, reduce sodium in my diet (BTW, that shit is in EVERYTHING), and may lose the ability to eat dairy products soon.  If my kidney disease progresses to stage 5, I will have to go on dialysis and will need it until I die.  I am not a candidate for a transplant because of the risk of further compromising my immune system. I am always in at least some pain, and I’m often very tired.  I am also fat.

 

Point the third: I refuse to let points one and two above run my life.  I try to be positive and upbeat, friendly and outgoing, and I will help others any way I can.  I am not giving up, even when I really want to.  SecondLife is my chance to open virtual doors to take the place of all the ones that seem to be inexorably closing for me in the real.